Poems change a lot as you write them. It’s a lot like going through your subconscious; something certain becomes uncertain, flutters and dances until it settles. The wind and the moon disturb a clear night, you notice things with a sense of surprise…
A lot like taking LSD… Which I finally did.
I guess, in hindsight, I did it kinda badly. I wasn’t completely surrounded by people I trusted, which is paramount. I was drunk, hungry and in a weird state. Still, as the thing melted under my tongue, I wasn’t afraid. There are writers that have described a strong LSD trip much better than I can but…
The colors change first. They stop, float. Think. They start to look back at you. Sounds too, the world NOTICES you. The universe starts to observe you. You become the central figure. The renaissance. It’s insane and almost impossible. THAT part is enjoyable. You melt away and stare as things that are so ordinary become so strange. And it doesn’t feel like a drug, per se. It feels more like you’re looking at things using a different part of your brain. And your brain loves it! There are parts that have never been outside before! What the fuck does the parietal lobe think about leaves falling? It’s gonna tell you.
So… There was enjoyment there. Definitely. But, it just got more and more intense. Maybe I took a too large of a dose for my first time?
At one point I decided in my brain, that I had jumped/fallen/been thrown off of a third floor balcony and was laying with my head smashed open on the warm summer pavement.
I was under for the entire night and only came back to reality around 10 AM. I don’t know how much I want to talk about it here. If you’re Estonian, then you can listen to me tell the story on an upcoming episode of Üks Ühele with my guest Jaan Tätte Jn.
Yeah. I made a podcast!
It’s an honest talk with talented young folks I kinda-almost-maybe know.
Here’s the first episode with Johan Elm, a promising young actor, playwright and an all-round good person.
You can also check it out on Estonian Public Broadcasting’s culture page who have taken on the task of publishing it @ http://kultuur.err.ee/
What else? Went to a concert where a friend played bass… I’m quickly becoming the one guy who’s dancing. The one guy who really needs SPACE, whiskey in my glass flying space yo. I like it a lot. Really glad I’ve found dancing. Crazy that I hated it a few years ago, but it’s so freeing now. Want to explore it further. Would love to do more dancing performances too, but it’s not a priority. Just wanna use my young, male body for all the moves. Can’t do that shit when you’re 50.
Would you like to hear more?
The nice people @ NoiseMedium published a poem of mine. You can read it here. It’s about the spiders who ran around in one of my ex’s attic loft.
On the subject of the past getting mixed in with the future… I turned 25… Celebrated it in the countryside. I feel old, then I feel young. It’s like a rational puberty.
Here are some photos:
Alright, I’m tired and catching a flight back to the UK tomorrow. Exciting times.
See you around.