Wrote this while listening to this.
What’s left to say that I haven’t repeated a thousand times already?
Sometimes it seems like all you do is cross and re-cross your path.
It seems I’m flirting with poetry again. That’s a good sign.
Anyway, I’m in Stockholm now, but a few days back I was in Tallinn. In between packing I really tried to take in everything for one last time. I did this on my going away party too. It’s something I picked up from that acting book I read some time ago. A way of grounding yourself, slipping your fingers over the wooden table and fixing it into your mind. Or slowing stuff down and just looking at people when they’re focused on something. What’s the point of jamming Bob Dylan songs, if you won’t look around and realize what is happening?
I love details, and hate losing them, so I do everything I can to hold on to as much as I can. The only memories that are important to me are the ones I choose to create, consciously.
People ask, where do I come up with all the stuff I write. And that’s the answer. Holding onto details in your life. Really fixing them in and then using them when it feels right. It really is that easy… and after 23 years I had enough to put 60k of them onto paper.
I’ve no idea what will happen in Vancouver. I’ve no plan. I’ll skate on intuition as long as I can and keep setting up challenges to knock down again. I would never have finished the book if I hadn’t put the 60 day deadline for myself. I’ve seen firsthand how talented people waste away because they’re too passive and never take charge of their life.
What my parents have taught me is that you have to be unique to have something to give. And I don’t mean a shitty-hipster way of being unique, but just being courageous and scared and using your fear and everything you feel in the moment to make something. Never to take anything you create too seriously and roll with the punches. The point is to make yourself happy and nothing else really matters all that much.
Nobody knows what the fuck they are doing anyway and it’s okay to be scared, but if you want to become the motherfucking wizard I know you can be, you have to accept your fears and doubts and step onto the stage.
Over and over and over again.
And it won’t get any easier for a loooong time. But that’s okay. After all, you’re a wizard-in-training. And that’s always cool.
That time I went to a London graveyard with the photographer/best friend Mari Armei.
See you in godddammmn Vancouver.