As a poet your heart wants to destroy your soul based on what I read in your writing. Let your mind save your soul you’ll be happier in the end. Keep your heart under control and explore willpower.
On the plus side you are alive and that feeling is the hardest to control in life from what I have encountered. If you can handle the fire you will be a man among men. So many people fail at what you are experiencing and as a poet it will be even harder for you so when you are alone listen to some music and write and keep writing and fall in love with your writing and yourself first and then when you know how to love yourself explore loving someone else deeply. that is my advice. that would be the rational approach but like i wrote, love is the hardest emotion to control so, proceed with caution.
thats my advice.
i actually love advice from people i have never met. thank you anonymous. seems i’ll be writing realism for a while now..